We've all been there: trying to finish off those Christmas cookies, chain-smoking through the last of the pack, speed shopping the post-Christmas sales, all in an effort to get out of our systems the vices we plan to eradicate come New Year's Day. But what is it about the New Year that brings us the resolve to change, and why do so many fail to keep those resolutions?

The answer may lie in which resolutions we make and why we make them.

Lynn Lee, a Conscious Relationship Coach, says, "Traditional resolutions (that revolve) around losing weight, stopping some addictive behavior, etc. have an, 'I am an improvement project' feel to them. If people already feel bad about themselves, they set themselves up for failure and disappointment." Mr. Lee also contends that resolutions that are self-affirming and positive in nature (e.g. learning a new skill, playing an instrument, exploring something you want to learn, travel, etc.) are a better approach. "These resolutions have a higher probability of success because they are positive by nature and fun to do."

Reasonable expectations should also be a part of making resolutions. Says Mr. Lee, "The first question I ask (clients) is 'Why are you doing this?' If they want to lose 20 pounds, I ask 'Why? What's going to happen if you lose 20 pounds?' If you think that by losing 20 pounds you're not going to be single anymore, you'll be able to attract somebody, and you'll be in a great relationship, that's not how it works."

Regarding failing to keep resolutions, Mr. Lee advised, "Individuals need to be gentle with themselves as they go about learning and doing something different. It's like learning how to ride a bike. You're going to fall off in the learning the process. It is a given. Keeping resolutions are no different."

Ruth Yarger LCSW, a clinical social worker at Madison Center had this advice to give on making resolutions; "It's important not to take for granted that it is not going to happen magically. One has to (think) about how one can take control in their life and make a plan so they accomplish what they want to accomplish." A vague goal of losing weight, paying off debt or improving relationships should be thought out, and a plan made-up of definite steps to reach that goal.

Many people start off the New Year enthusiastic about their resolutions but a month or two later lose interest. When asked what was essential to keeping resolutions long term, Yarger said, "Reassessing. I think that a person should put it on their calendar to reassess and think about how they've made progress. Part of making goals is reviewing them periodically, and thinking about if they are still applicable."

Yarger also said that writing down a resolution is beneficial. "I think it's important that they write it down because people then feel more committed. If it's on paper, they've committed to do it."

In addition to writing resolutions down, sharing them with others can be helpful. Says Yarger, "I personally have been at a party where we wrote down our goals on paper and put our name to them and put them all in a hat. Then, when we met a couple of months later, we pulled them out, looked at them, and thought about whether or not we had worked toward that, and what had happened to our goals in the meantime - and that was a really supportive thing to do."

Making and keeping New Year's Resolutions doesn't have to be a lesson in failure. By setting reasonable goals, writing down specific, small steps to reach the goal, and then periodically reassessing your progress, anyone can take control of their life, and indeed make it a happy new year.